Monday, July 27, 2009


My wife and I have been working hard on setting up a website that also encompasses my blog.

Please see blog at

While you are at it, hope you check out our website. We will no longer be using this blog soon, so bookmark the new address! Thanks!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Last Ditch Effort for Marriage

Sometimes a spouse who does not want a marriage to end is willing to make some last ditch efforts for their marriage.

One thing is to pray and fast for wisdom as to what to suggest to your spouse and that their heart would be open and willing.

Here are some things to consider:

Some state laws have a clause where a party can request the court to order counseling. I believe Ohio is one of those states. Sometimes the judge will, sometimes he won't, but might be worth a try.

I have heard of instances of a court in California ordering a couple to go to Retrovaille.

Short of a court order, these are some things to seriously consider asking your spouse to try with you.

My suggestion would be to research these on your own, sort them out, present them to your spouse, and then if they are willing to do any, go, even if it is not your first choice. Then participate wholeheartedly.

Look at my sidebar for Intensives.

Retrouvaille is probably one of the oldest and most established and successful. Retrouvaille is held in retreat centers, hotels, and other venues across the country and is an intensive weekend led by people who have participated in the past. The material is the same regardless of where you participate. They also have followups. The last I knew they just asked for donations if you could. They had a suggested amount depending on the hotel costs. You do not have to share your struggles with others.

National Institute of Marriage and Sharon Hart Morris, do 2 to 4 day intensives, which include alot of professional counseling. These are more expensive, but divorce attorneys and having two households is not cheap.

What turned us around was a one day PAIRS traing by Jeff Williams from He can also do an intensive weekend customized somewhat to your situation.

If you search the web, there are many more alternatives.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Wedding Dance

After a couple of days reviewing lots of my links, and thinking seriously about how to help marriages - it was refreshing to see this unique and somewhat offbeat way to start a marriage. Hope they can keep up the fun through the years.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

John and Kate plus 25

Great post by Ron Deal.

Even a man whose ministry goal is to help step families, believes that fixing the first marriage is easier, less complicated, and most likely better for the children.

Get On With Your Life - NOT!

Great article by Dr. Talley to refute the common idea in separation/divorce situations that you need to quickly Get On With Your Life. I was so disappointed to hear this type of subtle suggestion from Christians when Sharon and I were separated, but still married, and I wanted reconciliation.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

More Than a Good Night's Sleep

Over time I have talked to various people about their adventures in the courtroom regarding divorce, dissolution, and child support. Today, I happen to be pondering someone's situation so I just started reading the sections in the Ohio revised code relating to those issues. Some of it is pretty clear, some of it gives me a headache.

Years ago when I was in an estate planning class the professor mentioned that if you died without a will, the state had one for you, so if you didn't like the state's plan, you better write your own. I also have heard the saying, in regard to government programs, "When you get in bed with the government, you get more than a good night's sleep."

It sure appears that if at all possible your life will be less complicated if you can come together with your spouse and work out your problems. Once you get in the court system you lose some measure of control of your life. There appears to be some situations when even you and your spouse might agree, but the court has authority to override your agreement and enforce its own agreement on you both.

Please, make every effort possible to work out things with your spouse and to remain in your marriage. There are so many resources and people to help you, and so many unexpected consequences if you head down the divorce path.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Little Bits of Hope

Sometimes in a marriage crisis it is very hard to find hope.

When my wife and I were separated and she was promising divorce I looked for the tiniest rays of hope.

Some I saw were:
a. She kept wearing her wedding rings.
b. Every day there were no divorce papers in the mail box was a plus.
c. She continued to pay our personal and farm bills.
d. Even though she would not come to marriage counseling, she would come to counseling with my kids as their mother.
e. She didn't do anything rash or unreasonable with our finances even though she had access to all of my personal accounts and our joint accounts.
f. She was doing a Bible study by Beth Moore, "Believing God." I had a hard time believing that if she really drew near to God, that He would give her peace about going through with a divorce.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


God says throughout the Bible "Thou shalt not commit adultery." He also says "The wages of sin is death."

Those two statements should be enough to help us keep on the right track, but sometimes I am sobered, and hopefully more resistant to temptation, when I watch some of the world news unfold.

Mark Sanford - Governor, with apparently an intelligent, attractive, wealthy wife and beautiful kids, rising star in the GOP, talked about for President - throws away or tarnishes so much with a woman from Argentina.

Steve McNair. Former football star. Married. Literally dies when his lover shoots him and then herself. Wonder if he had any clue at all what might happen.

Senator Ensign. Rising conservative star in GOP. Has affair with a staffer. Double whammy in that both she and her husband were close to him.

Just sobering to think - "But for the Grace of God, there go I."

Back to working on my own marriage to make it all it can be, because, to me, that is one of the best protections. If I am putting my energy into that, I will have less energy to put anywhere it shouldn't be.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Refocusing on Jesus Throughout the Day

I have found it helpful over time to refocus my thoughts during the day on Jesus and His Word. Here's a couple of new ways I have found to do this.

I have several Christian friends and family on Facebook and they often post scriptures or worship videos, or Bible studies. I try to slow down and take few moments to ponder some of what has been written or shared.

I have several Christian blogs on my personal blog list and it is helpful just to stop for a few minutes and read a good post that focuses on Christ.

The more I renew my mind with God's Word, the better the day goes, or at least my attitude about the day.

Vacationing with the Ex

I found this to be an interesting post about taking a vacation with your ex, to help give the kids some sense of family. I realized how powerful the pull to be a family can be - which is a good thing.

I am glad this couple is trying hard to be civilized post-divorce, sad for them, that apparently they didn't work out the issues between them years ago and stay married.

Sunday, July 5, 2009